Weddings | Engaged + Confused

© Roey Yohai Photography

Believe me, I get it. I know how you’re feeling. Engaged AND Confused. Everyone asks you questions or throws out their personal recommendations literally an hour after you have that ring on your finger: “Have you picked the date yet?” “Where are you getting married?” “How many people on your guest list?” “You really should use these colors.” “California is where you’re getting married, right?” “How many bridesmaids?” Blah. Blah. Blah. You’re thinking, “I can’t. I haven’t even had a chance to speak to my fiancé about it yet… and he is the one I’m marrying. Okay. Thank you. Bye.”

Future brides, take a deep breath and ignore it. This is what I recommend tackling first.

Overall Vision and Feel: Ask yourself: Have you ever dreamed of your wedding day? Yes? That’s great. No? That’s just as great. I’m sure you’ve attended weddings before, so do your best to brainstorm what it is that you love vs. hate. Pinterest is honestly the best place to get a vision board going. I would start adding in EVERY photo that draws to you. You can review at the end and maybe you’ll find – you are drawn to a smaller, more intimate wedding? Maybe it’s a glamorous tented wedding set in a garden (see photo above from my wedding)? A stunning, traditional ballroom? A rustic winery? A quaint farm? The options are endless these days. Or maybe you just want to elope? That’s equally awesome in my book.

Budget: Establish it. Talk to your parents. Talk to your fiancé. Be realistic. Do not go in debt. It is not worth it. What can you realistically spend so that you’re comfortable after the wedding? Make sure you do add in a little wiggle room because unfortunately, you will more than likely go over. Around 30% of all brides do end up spending more than their agreed upon budget according to USA Today (research from Brides). You will need to do a lot of digging and research depending on the region of the US you’re in and of course, what venues you’re looking at and the guest list size. Side note: The budget portion of the article previously listed is unfortunately not representative of NYC and surrounding areas in regards to budgeting and costs in 2015. At least, it does not seem accurate to me based on all prices I was quoted.

Priorities: What are your priorities? How do you want to spend your money? Unique Venue? Food? Photographer? Videographer? Band and/or DJ? Flowers? Gorgeous decor? Photo booth? Slow Motion Booth? Fun Transportation? Beautiful invites? Just make sure to make a priorities list. While your priorities may fluctuate over time (mine sure did), I’m certain your top items will remain consistent. For example, I am all about live music and being able to dance and wiggle to multiple genres at a wedding – i.e. an outstanding band was a huge priority to us.

Guest List: Do this as early as possible. This will help you remove multiple venues from the list – since unfortunately, there are both minimum and maximum capacities. I would recommend having an A List + B List. I know it sounds terrible, but it’s true. It can be dramatic with your parents and other relatives, so just do your best to express how YOU feel about your big day. The answer to staying organized: Use Microsoft Excel. It is my savior just about every day of my life.

Venues: While this goes hand in hand with vision, budget and guest list, it is imperative to do A LOT of research in regards to venues overall and their specific reviews. I did visit a bunch of places in the NYC area that helped pushed me to my wedding venue. It’s important to keep an open mind. It’s possible to convert just about any space and most guests won’t notice the ugly, random carpeting in one room (although I might). I honestly always dreamed of marrying Allan in a tented space and boom, I got it, but 1 million times better. A Venetian theater? I had no idea this even existed 45 minutes from NYC. Caramoor, I love you. And your staff’s service – TOP NOTCH!

Wedding Planner or Coordinator: Does an event planner fit in your budget? If so, a full year planner? Maybe just 6 months in? 1 month in coordinator? Some type of extra support is very helpful for a multitude of reasons: saves time, alleviates unnecessary stress, creates efficiency, helps negotiate vendor rates and budgets your money wisely. To this moment and beyond, I am very thankful I had the opportunity to work with LindsayLandman and her team who not only helped with planning and negotiating, yet also every design aspect.

Time of Year + Day of Week: Seasonality is key and can also help you save some Benjamins. Depending on the region of the US: May – October is peak wedding season. We decided on October mainly because we love the season in the Northeast (just about the prettiest leaves you’ve ever seen) and it was convenient to have a longer engagement for planning purposes. I absolutely would have went with early Spring or even November (if we had decided on an indoor venue). Summer is too hot for me in this region of the US and Winter – not my thing. However, snow and a wedding gown is such a beautiful combination. In regards to the day of the week, Saturday definitely is where it’s at in terms of most popular and expensive. However, Thursday, Friday and Sunday are getting more popular for couples now due to being able to save some money. Personally, I didn’t want to inconvenience other people and I wanted to throw big party (aka. no work the next day). Of course, religion can be a big deciding factor in the day of the week too.

Dress Style: Keep an OPEN mind. While you may end up going with the style you’ve always dreamed of (surprisingly, I did…), try on everything and anything. Go with your gut feeling. The better you feel, the better you look. I ended up going dress shopping in NYC with my mom and sister for 2 days straight and I tried on nearly 50 dresses. I ended up trying on my dress the first and second day and I just knew she was the one. Monique Lhuillier, you’re a genius dress designer. Also, I believe your dress should align with your venue and the overall vision of your wedding. Having a HUGE gown you can barely walk in on a farm or a garden might not work. Grass + Dirt + Big Dresses = Disaster. Again, it’s just my feeling. Anything is possible and I don’t judge if you can rock it.

REMEMBER – while it can be quite overwhelming, remind yourself of the reason for all of this. You love someone so much that you want to celebrate with your closest friends and family! It really will be one of the best days of your life. Take it from me.